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[09 Oct 2007|04:23pm] Its been a LONG LONG time since i wrote in here, but im feeling like im down and need to write a little. Recently lifes been wonderful, even through the tragedies. In the past 2 weeks we've lost 2 wonderful souls. Carl Locklear & Jimmy Abbabauker. I hate hospitals and I was reminded of why i hate them when Carl passed. We rushed to the hospital to see him, Jason, Russell, Courtney, and I. All in our ravens gear. Jason needed to see him for one last goodbye. By the time we got there, he was just a body and soul. I do think that severely traumatized me. Standing next to a deceased but moving body. The viewings were a tough two days for Jase, Russ, and Court. What a terrible tragedy. Now weeks later, Jimmy got killed riding a motorcycle. I went to school with him and everyday he sung "Staceys mom" to me. Jimmy for the record- MY NAME IS NOT STACEY! :) Besides that, there has been some good, i suppose. My mom and tj just flew out to vegas last wednesday and tied the knot. Im happy for them i guess. My dad has a very nice girlfriend. My sister who i no longer speak to had gastric by-pass surgery & my cousin Andy got married to a beautiful girl named Lacy. The wedding was fabulous. Now about me. I am still with Jason, whom i love more and more everyday. Were working hard to support eachother and hoping to buy a house soon. I quit my job at m & t after 5months because they were screwing me over royally. I am now back at golden ring best buy selling appliances. I recently went for a Senior position and although i was very confident id get the position, i did not. I now have lost the only confidence i ever had. I was always confident i was a good worker and id have no trouble moving up in the world. Unfortunately, i was knocked down a peg and i dont want to try again. I feel foolish for going for the spot even though 3 people had me do it, ensuring id get the spot. Now that i didnt get the spot, ive been told to "reapply next month" because theyre "pushing for me." I dont know if i want to be let down again. Ill never be able to show my leadership skills if no one gives me a chance. Oh well. I feel real down. I should have been more prepared for the interview, but i did learn a lot and what to expect. Its all my fault. I just thought id give a short update on my life. Im gunna go do some laundry! love<3 comment

[07 May 2007|08:50am] I havent written in ages.... but heres a little bit of the scoop. I got a new job at m&t bank. The hours are awesome, but the job sucks. I said the same about best buy though and ended up loving it. Well see. I miss Best buy & my appliance team. Jason and i are terrific. We may be renting an apartment soon. Summers right around the corner and i love the weather. Im goin to ocean city in 2 weeks with jason & the guys for hot rod week. Pretty siqqq. Campin in 3 weeks. Gunna go to THE tiki bar. Stoked. I went to the towsontown fest and got this cute ass chanel purse and wallet... and got rejected at the beer garden. fuckin fake ids not working. LAME. Im debating between goin to school @ night or gettin a 2nd job. $$$$$$$$$$$$ thats about it. comment

[18 Apr 2007|08:26pm] There are so many great tragedies, both before and during my living time. Ive come to realize that criminals can be some of the smartest, yet helpless people. For example, most of you know my facination with Hitler, and World War II. Its not because of the event, not in any way, but because of how the event was played out. It takes such a strong mind, with so much complexity to be able to create such a tragic event, as the holocaust. What is the motive for such hatred and anger? Did Hitler feel these events would not only benefit himself, but surrounding society? Why? Why is the main question. Why one particular group was targeted, while others were not. It doesnt take power to be such a great criminal, as you see in everyday crimes. All it takes is someone who is not clearly right minded. Within criminals, there are criminals. There are criminals like those who commit missdemener crimes, such as stealing a pack of gum, and there are those who commit huge felonies, like mass murder. Within society there are also criminals, the criminals without a face as i would call them. The lost souls, the ones who may potentially commit a crime, and its up to us to stop them. They werent brought up in ghettos, and didnt have domestic violence. They simply are not right in the mind. People in everyday contact with them dont see it, and the person themself cannot be helped if the problem is not drawn to attention. When the issue is brought to attention multiple times, and is still not fixed -then we have a convicted criminal. Cho Seung-Hui, great example. He showed many signs of mental issues, which were brought to the attention of many officials. On the final court date, he was determined as "a threat to himself & society", yet he was asked to recieve VOLUNTARY help. When someone has been reported to be the kind of person Cho was, the help he recieved should have been MANDATORY. If he was a threat, he should have immediately been asked to leave Virginia Tech. I would hate to have sent my child to a school, where a known THREAT TO SOCIETY would also, not only be attending, but living as well. As it got this far, i feel it was unstoppable. After listening to the news for the past 3 days, I know of 4 people off the top of my head that show early signs of mental disorders. Two of these people are joked about as "the ones who will shoot up a school." If this is truely thought of, its not a joke anymore, they need your help to get them help. If you are in their everyday precense, you may be the next victim of mass murder. You could have stopped it. Two other people i wouldnt consider "the kind to shoot up a school" but the kind who are lost souls and one day may get to that point where we are scared of them and for them. Right now, we see past the weird things they are doing and think its just that, "weird." But those weird things, are exactly how mass murders as Cho Seung-Hui has executed all began. For example, online stalking, & false identities. After watching the news for the past 3 days, and looking back throughout history with Hitler, Columbine, this recent Virginia Tech Massacre, & people ive seen who may turn out like this ive come to realize that there IS something out there that i may be interested in. When i think of my interests, i think of Hitler & the Holocaust. I relate that to history, and i hate history. But what im interested in isnt neccesarily the event, its how such a thing could be pulled off, and why?! I decided the fall of 07 i will give college another shot. Part-time studying mental health. I want to get into criminals minds. comment

[15 Apr 2007|05:42pm] I havent written in a while now. Theres not much to say besides that life is good. Jason and i are as good as ever. He got me sick, but its okay hes taken good care of me. Ive been sick as shit the past 3 days. Jasons brought me medicine, snack wraps, ice cream, & bought me happy feet! i love that boy to death. For those of you who dont know, i quit my job & got a new one. I start m&t bank tomorrow making 1.50 more than i was before. Im sorta excited, but ill miss my ace team. I am also lookin to move out very soon. Jason and i have been lookin at houses in PA. We found one we love but i dont know if well be able to afford it. its cheap, but were poor. I cant wait until summer & vacationing. Im dreading bathing suit shopping though. i gained a bit of weight so im sorta upset. :) life. comment

[19 Mar 2007|07:32pm] my st. pattys day so i got off work around 1030. picked jason up and headed to tullys to meet up with my sister, her friends, and jasons friends. As most of you know, contrary to belief... i am not 22. i am actually 19. i whipped out the fake id. The bouncer looked at it, oh so confused then passed it onto the next guy who studied it for atleast 10 minutes. after that, i was in. i went straight to the bar and got a 4 dollar captain and coke. i was disappointed when i got it cuz it was a tiny cup. i drank it in lik 5 minutes. i then went back to the bar, got 2 captain and cokes and headed to the dance floor. the girls were tearin it up when this douche bag security guy had to ruin my fun "no drinks on the dance floor." i wanted to dance, so i again, sucked down the 2 captain an cokes in like 2minutes. no joke. a night like st. pattys day calls for shots, lots of them. john decided to buy all the girls shots. i insisted, no jager, no brown liquors. he came back with this shot, we took em like champs.. i then found out it had jager in it and instantly felt nauseous. but again, went to the bar and got another captain and coke. i then stumbled over to my boyfriend who was chillin with his friends. this cute lil shooter girl walked by and had dollar shooters. she was cute, so i bought one.. and loved it. i wanted another so i went to find her... and couldnt. so i then, said... john plz buy me a shot. so.. he did... and thats when it all went downhill. john came back with this yellowy/brown shot. i was drunk so it didnt matter. i took this shot of what tasted like gasoline.. my throat was burning, my stomach was burning, and im feelin sick thinkin about it. i was done, knocked on my ass.. fuckin 151. i went bacck to jason and felt sooo sick. he bought me water as my head was fallin around like a newborn baby. my head fell back and smashed into an arcade game behind me and russell grabbed me real quick. lol. apparently i was talkin to jasons friends all night, 2 inches from their faces. then.. i was ready to go home when the cute lil shooter girl walked by again. she said "here" and handed me a shooter... i said "noooooo" and she said "its on me" i held it in my hand for 10 minutes and said "i cant do it." and gave it to russell. i headed out, but not before tellin the bouncers my sister was gunna kick my ass and to keep her away from me. they were holdin her back and stuff. i dont know what i was thinkin?? i stumbled to the car and called sarah. apparently i told her the same story 100x. i dont remember most of the car ride home.. nor do i have any idea how i got up the ice infested steps. but wut i do know is.. i have the best boyfriend in the world. i attempted to eat taco bell, but spit cinnamin twists in jasons face. i then "fell asleep" aka passed out. jason got me a bucket and slept on the floor. somehow my sister ended up at my house. when i woke up the next day, jason informed me i sat on the edge of my bed, peed.. all over my bed, the floor, and his foot. every1 left me.. i then felt really sick. i couldnt make it to the bathroom and nearly shit myself. i took a shit, fell asleep on the floor, drank sink water... and had to call someone to come over with me cuz i couldnt breathe and was shaking. carrie and jason came over. jason left work to come over. i got my period which made it worse. i was so sick all day. carrie sat with me all day until i felt better. jason came over when he was done at work. after spitting in his face, pissing on his foot, and him having to leave work to make sure i wasnt gunna die.. jason still loves me. lol. it was a rough night. i will NEVER drink that much in that short of time, EVER again. comment

[05 Mar 2007|12:32pm] Last night i went to dinner with my appliance team. Everyday i feel so lucky to have a team that works so well together and everyone balances eachother out. We have the coolest, most easy to work with supervisor in the world. But now....were about to lose everything that weve gained. At dinner Kwame told us that Saturday was his last day. I dont care how gay this sounds, i was heartbroken. I feel so lucky to have gotten him as my supervisor. I work SOOOO hard and get no recognition from anyone... but him. At the end of the day he is always the first to say "good job today" Hes the only one who has my back when it comes to everyone else puttin their work on me. Without him there, were all gunna fall apart. The only people we have are... Brandon -1 day a week Neesha -Brand new Alethea -on leave Jeff -Saturdays only Marc Bob & Myself. Marcs leaving. Im Leaving.. Bobs new supervisor. But but poor bob has no team. The only way ill stay is if i get a raise. i do toooo much for tooo little. Im soooo upset. I love kwame. He taught me SO much. Right now, im sick as shit. I dont wanna go to work. Everything hurts. tomorrow borat comes out so im pretty stoked. it reminds me of andy. lol. i love my boyfriend. comment

[03 Mar 2007|12:46pm] last night i went and saw papa roach. afuckingmazing. besides me breakin a nail, a finger, and other peoples jaws. my finger is throbbing. my other finger was swollen my ring was cuttin off the circulation. i randomly have bruises all over my hip. my jaw hurts really bad, so does my tounge??? ash and i were the other girls in the pit, and we fucked shit uppp. we aint SKURRRREDDD. i didnt feel shit, i was tooooo drunk. i love my fake id. its siqq as shit. the bartender loved us and gave us cheap drinks. we love captain & coke. mmmmmmmmm i couldnt drive home cuz i was too drunk. jason drove home. we got taco bell. i had to talk to jasons mom, drunk. his sister is gunna hate me. life is awesome. i dont wanna work. comment

[24 Feb 2007|03:11pm] Last night was the opening of the track. Me and Jason Jake and Stef and Damon & his buddy headed up to cecil county. Needless to say it wasnt crowded at all cuz no1 knew it was open and it was freezing cold. Stef and i cheered on our boyfriendies. Jason ran his best time 11.8 @ 124 and i was so proud. his car was lookin good, every1 was checkin it out. it was hot. Jake ran for the first time.. got a 14something... Jason went to run his second time.. and wanted to woop this GTO's ass.. and lucky enough he got lined up with the GTO.... Green light... go....stops in the middle of the track. i was like WTFFFF and so mad.. but knew something was wrong. i felt my phone vibrate i knew it was jason.. answered the phone "wuts wrong" his car broke. it sucked so bad. Jake ran 13.7 @ 108, not bad for a neon ;) we waited all night for scotty to come with the trailer. we actually made a lot of fun outta it. "that felt sooo good..." I KNOW THE FEELING. ahhh haha love you jason! scotty took us to the shop in PA where we noticed jasons car was leaking fluids. GAY. it was so cold and we were tired and hungry. we went to mcdonalds, pigged out and went to bed. we watched dinosaur island 1st. ahh haha. dont ask. this morning jason brian and i went to cracker barrel and got free food. i love complaining. i had to take a massive shit in Highs... it was MASSIVE. now jasons at work and i wanna dress cute. comment

[21 Feb 2007|10:11pm] when i win the lottery... this is the list of things im getting... 1) fake boobz. 2) payin off the car & gettin a siqq new whip 3) buyin a HUGE house in the country with a wrap around porch, more than 1 walk in closet, a handcrafted dining room table from india or something, 4 car garage, personal gym, fully stocked bar, and siqq appliances. 4) airfair across the world 5) dolce & gabana watch that i want SO bad. 6) HUGE dolce & gabana sunglasses 7) dolce handbag (5,6,7 will be bought during my trip to italy) 8) a shopping spree for me and the girls & trip to the spa (on our trip to LA) 9) a huge princess cut tiffanys rock 10) and the rest of the money is mine for safe keeping... unless youre mom, dad, carrie, ash, sarah, kat or jason you aint gettin shizzitt shawtyyyy! 1comments | comment

[16 Feb 2007|09:02am] bought p-roach tix. gunna be a drunken mess. i dont wanna work today. lifes good. comment

[12 Feb 2007|10:13pm] im sick of being cold, and working. lolz. i hate winter and i hate work. i just wanna go on vacation or to the beach or something. i deserve it. i love my boyfriend to death. and life is good. but damn, i need a get-away 1comments | comment

[10 Feb 2007|01:17pm] I have THE sweetest bf in the entire world. Last night we went to dinner for early valentines day cuz were both too busy on valentines day. Jason picked me up in the fast car and gave me a rose and a present. we went to bahama breeze nd had amazing bbq chicken! <33 mmmmm i opened my present and he bought me the purdiest necklace and earings. he told me he loved me.... which was adorable. i died. i love him to death! we came home and watched the butterfly effect which was awesome besides me dozing off. we had an awesome awesome night. i love my boyfriend <3 ! im so tired and dont wanna work. im cold and i think im gettin sick. uh work work work. 1comments | comment

[30 Jan 2007|05:36pm] got my nails done and signed up for tanning. the gym is next. gotta get everyone together to sign up tho so we an all go together. woooo. im gunna be hottt as shit soon! jason jake stef and i may be going tubing in like 2 weeks totally stoked. i love jake and stef. i hate valentines day btw. and i have a bf.. wtf. i miss highschool so much.. havin a set schedule. uhhh. lifes good but stressful and tiring. 1comments | comment

[28 Jan 2007|11:06pm] Everyone knows ive wanted to be an airman for almost 3 years now. I know ive wanted to be an airman for atleast 9 years. I dont have the nerve, support, or strength to do it. I dont want to work at best buy and have all the things i love at my finger tips. dont get me wrong, i work hard for the shit i have... but its all too easy. The air force will pay me close to half what i make at best buy but its a dream. its one of those things i want to do in life. i want NOTHING more than to earn my wings and jump out of planes. it wont happen. and i cry all the time. i wish i was ballzier. 1comments | comment

[28 Jan 2007|09:45am] i hate how my friends all act differently when i have a boyfriend. why cant they be happy for me? this time i have a winner, they all love him but are weird toward me. its not fair. i cant please everyone. i feel like i work SO hard and SO much and i get my paycheck and im like WUT IS THIS? im the only 1 who lands MAJOR sales and then im reminded "what do i get from this?" all best buy worries about is numbers yet the employees get NOTHING from the numbers. were NOT gunna get that 2500 dollar blue crew. SORRY GUYS. im just in a crappy mood. comment

[27 Jan 2007|12:02pm] Work work work. its life. Jason and i watched final destination the other night but i fell asleep. god im so exhausted all the time. Last night Jason Jake Stef and I went to batemans and pigged out. Our waitress was a crackhead. I saw Dani & Brit, i miss them. Jason got drunk. Russell and his gf came. Stef and I made fun of his girlfriend all night. She was HIDEOUS. ahh hahaha. i broke the paper towel holder in the bathroom and it was hilarious. we laughed. we do funny impressions of eachother. i love stefy wefy. i leave her love notes and stuff. lolz. i work tonight until close and open tomorrow and work ALL day. GAYYYY. i NEED taco bell. 1comments | comment

[25 Jan 2007|09:48pm] i been spending every night in PA with jason and our crew. i wooped everyones ass in monopoly and then almost beat rob bowling. been working everyday which is tiring me. me jason jake and steff hung out las nite i called stef a bitch. ahh hahaha. i was winey. i love my friends. its fuckin cold out. summer anyone? 2comments | comment

[21 Jan 2007|05:50pm] table 11 was THE SHIT jen & troy jen & i.. the hottest girls there. the gayz. never watered down?? lolz were all just drunk. rob drank girly drinks. like i said, we were drunk. the culprit. me and my baby Mr. & Mrs. Brian Parrish! comment

[20 Jan 2007|11:34am] i absolutely adore my boyfriend. we basically spend everyday together. either here, or in PA. i love PA. he thinks im the purdiest little lion :) that made me smile soooo big. <3 last night we went to raffys had a beer. or jp had like 10 and was trashed. then we met up with jen and troy and mike and ciara and went bowling. troy tore us up until the last game, I WON! wooooo. i been workin everyday, duhz. i have off today and tomorrow but a meeting tomorrow. today is brian and tiffs wedding. im completely stoked. jen and i are gunna bring sexy back. were gettin drunk and dancin allllll night. im gunna be so pretty! im excited. i got a cute dress and shoes! :) yep. life :) ps- some girls are SO stupid. comment

[14 Jan 2007|11:56pm] i dont know when the last time i wrote was cuz ive been so damn busy but lifes been awesome. thursday night i went up PA with jason. we watched crank and dumb and dumber. then we snuggled all night. friday jason and i woke up and layed in bed all morning. then we babysat the dog. and went to cracker barrel. our waitress was annoying. we played checkers in the store. then came home (the house in PA) and played catch. hung out and watched judge judy or something? then came back to maryland. jason and the guys went out for brians bachelor party. sarah and i went to bahama breeze and walgreens for my bday. it was deffinately a funny ass night out. saturday of course my birthday. i got 100bux from mom. 50bux from tj. 20bux from carrie. 40bux from mom mom and pop pop. and jp got me a dozen roses and my ravens playoff tix. jp and i went to lunch at fridays then headed to the game with lisa and dj. every1 was so pumped up. my hands and throat hurt within 10 minutes. it was SO much fun even though we lost. we came home and i was sad cuz no1 got me a birthday cake. so we went to chilis and pigged out. jason spent the night and we snuggled all night. this morning we woke up and again layed in bed all morning. then got up and showered and got ready. we went to bertuccis and of course i was gunna complain so.... we got salad, bread, a pizza, and 2 drinks for 8bux. I LOVE A GOOD ASS DEAL! we went to best buy, i bought mario cart and speakers for my car. then jason went home and showered. the seahawks lost. jason came over nd we went to the mall and he got a phone case. then i wanted shoes but i didnt like them. then we went to my dads which was so fun. my dad and jason became bffl and talked about shit i didnt care about. we ate a ton. ash came over. we all hung out. ash and i hung out while dad and jason hung out. we ate more. we made jokes. ate cake. watched forest gump. just basically chilled at my dads like it was my house or something. every1 loves my dad so it was pretty good. i liked it a lot. i wanna spend more time with daddy. daddy got me a necklace. i love him. jason and i were headed home to play mario cart but then decided to go to pepboys which ended up being insane. every1s doin donuts, we hear a noise, turn around, and this siqq ass subaru is flyin thro the sky. this fuckin car hit like 2 trees. the entire passenger side of the car is fucked up, all the windows are busted out. this dood is layin on the ground havin siezures. it was so scary but intense. im glad my boyfriend has a siqq ass fast car but knows how to handle it. the ambo came and every1 peaced out. jason, jake, rob, and some other random kids with siqq cars stood around and talked for a while. it was cold out. now im home...jasonless. lol. back to reality, aka work tomorow. SUCKSSSSS. cant wait until saturday! get a damn day off. ps- all i do is eat. wends= 1 month with jason. <3 him to death! comment

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